Dear December
I know, I know - you're not here for another three weeks - but I just had to write to you.
I'm struggling quite a bit at the moment, and I'm trying so hard to understand why, and how to get myself through it. My main issue is that I feel stuck. I feel like I'm not going anywhere while time just keeps spinning faster. I feel understimulated, yet my head is never quiet, never still. I have no energy to do anything, but I can't bare with not moving forward. It's like my engine is running on overdrive, ready to go, but I have no fuel to set off.
I have so many projects, small and bigger, that I want to indulge in - but no inspiration and no motivation to learn, to create. No fuel whatsoever. And for someone who has spent her intire life not being able to contain her inspiration, creativity and productiveness (which I'm not sure even is a word) when it strikes - this is confusing, frustrating, devastating.
I feel empty.
And I search everywhere for that fuel to get me going. In my partner, in social life, in nature, in pop culture - I can't seem to find it anywhere. And I know - "search within yourself". Oh man, I sure have. But everytime I try to search for anything within myself I just see fog. I don't see anything, just a thick fog.
Don't know what to do at this point. I'll just have to keep looking.
I think that's all for now, December. See you in a few weeks.
And PLEASE don't be so cold, will ya? Thanks!
Yours truly
Yours truly
Sara