Dear December #1
Dear December
I seem to be spending every minute desperately trying to slow the next one down, but no matter how much I tell myself that I'm hitting the brake - me and the time keeps on going in ultra speed. For a long time you seemed to be miles and miles away, and suddenly.. here you are. Your greatest gift to me, christmas, seemed to appear over just one night and out of the blue. Christmas lights and decorations are suddenly everywhere - in houses, apartments, stores and all along the streets and city areas. Christmas songs and carols are playing, every inch of the ground is covered with crispy white snow and a sense of calm and joy usually fills me by this time. But it hasn't. Yet, at least.
You know I'm a christmas freak. You know I go berserk if, or rather when, I get the chance. I decorate my flat long before my family and friends, and I always go way over the top (just the way I love it). I make them listen to christmas music way to early, and I eagerly count down 'til December 1st. You could say that christmas time is my time. But I haven't even had the time to think about decorating, preparing or getting into the christmas spirit. My cabin is still fairy light free, christmas tree free, christmas curtain free and over all christmas free.
When I walked through town today and saw all the decorations I wasn't filled with that warm, fuzzy feeling I'm oh, so familiar with. This time I felt stress. Unease. Tension. I almost felt discouraged, or even annoyed. Like I was caught off guard with the start of you and because of that felt embarressed. Like I got the memo way later than the rest of the people. And I just wanted to scream to the people in the mall:
CAN WE PLEASE JUST START DECEMBER IN A WEEK OR SO, SO I CAN BE PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY READY (WHICH I AM OBVIOUSLY NOT AT THIS MOMENT)?
Needless to say that I'm in a rough patch in life. I keep trying my very best to balance rest with activity to keep my fatigue at bay, but somehow I always end up burning out. Spreading myself too thin, and I don't really know how to stop. And I don't realize it before I'm too far gone.
December, despite all of this I truly am excited to get to know you. I know that I'm starting off our time together on a low note, but I'm certain that it will change in time. Let's start off easy, shall we?
Only love. /Sara